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View Full Version : "It's Over..." (Good Read)


InfuzerM3
09-30-2004, 03:41 AM
So today my girlfriend and I ended our relationship. this sucks. so much feeling and love invested. Please read the whole thing before commenting. You will have a better understanding about how everything unfolded. Let me tell you the whole story from the start:

I started out as friends with her dad who is considerably older than I am. He and I worked together. We worked together for about 9 months before I found a better job. After that we lost contact.

I kept his number and when a great job offering came I called to offer it to him. We began hanging out again. He introduced me to his daughter Stephanie.
From the first moment that I saw her I fell in love. There is nothing not to love about her.

She and I became good friends, but I never made any moves because she never gave me any signs that she was interested. About 8 months ago she and I started "talking." We were in my car going for a drive when we both looked at eachother and felt a spark. Something happened in that moment that will forever change the rest of my life.

We started seeing eachother, unfortunatley behind her mom and stepfathers backs. They would not be understanding. She is 17 and I am 21. Looking at the ages like that dont seem bad at all. Nobody else saw a problem, but her parents are different. So we kept this secret from them.

We fell in love during the second month. I will never forget how it happened. She and I had talked about it and we didnt know if what we felt was love. We used to say stuff like "i love you........ in that shirt!" Stuff like that. Then one night she called me while I was having dinner with my dad and said "I think I am there..." and asked her what she ment... "I love you Tom." My heart filled up instantly and I told her the same.

About the third month we were together we started letting go a little in front of her parents. A little tickle here and there and sitting close together where ever we were. They asked if anything was going on and because of her stepdad we said no. They asked us to cool off with the touchy feely stuff in front of them. We did.

July was our fourth month together. We took a trip together up the coast from San Diego to San Francisco. It was a lot for her parents to let her go, I could tell, but they knew that we were good friends. On this trip I have more memories than I can count. We found a private beach together along the coastline near Big Sur. We spent about an hour exploring. We stayed in a rickety log cabin lodge where the only room left was the Honeymoon suite. We took it and upon arriving in our room we saw a not from the staff stating that the walls are 'paper thin' and the people in the rooms next to us could practically hear us breathe. The bed was too short for me and it was uncomfortable, but we were together and that is what mattered.

August was our 5th month together. Her dad stopped wanting to hang out with me and practically told her and her mom he didnt like me. That was fine though. We were together. I saw her less because he would think of other stuff she 'had' to do like watch her sisters. It was cool though. I saw her every day for lunch so we knew that we would have at least 30 min together daily. We continued to love eachother and spend every extra day and hour we could find. She didnt like the hiding though. It was a stress to her.

September was our 6th month together. This month actually. Things were going great. We had a strong loving relationship and we took care of eachother. We started feeling like we may be the one for eachother. Everything was great besides the sneaking around. Her dad had over the last few weeks started talking a lot of shit about me to her and her mom.
We now find ourselves in the end of september and a few days away from our 7 month anniversary.

Last Saturday her parents really layed into her hard about me. She denied everything as usual. She started doubting us. Saturday night she called me and told me that she didnt think it was working. She could not talk long so I told her that I love her and to call me in the morning. That night she told me that she put it in her head that it would be easier to be without me but the more she thought about it the sadder she got. Everything she did reminded her of me. She called me on Sunday and told me that we were going to be fine. Monday was fine but then yesterday, Tuesday, she was having doubts about what she wanted. We had our usual lunch together and spent most of it crying because we were not going to be together anymore. Then the spark happened again. We were kissing and she apologized and told me she loved me. I was feeling good again. Then 2 hours later she had doubts again.
She found that when she was with me she was able to see past her doubts and that they only came when she was alone. She said that she would see how she felt over the next day.

Then today she told me "Its Over... I cant do this."
The stress of everything had gotten to her. She didn't want to hide what we had and didnt want to try to fix it either. She started having doubts about us working because she was scared that when we did tell her parents and family that they would not understand or accept it. So its over.

She told me that she does see us together again in the future. She said that now is just not the time. She says that she doesnt want to be committed in a relationship. She wants to have fun, and she made it clear that she is not looking for anyone else. She wants to get her life on track. So we are on a break so to speak. But a break where we can see other people. I dont want that.

I am so lost over this. I love her with my whole heart and she told me the same but she doesnt want to hide it and she says that right now she doesnt want to fix it either. My friends tell me that even if she is with someone else she will only compare them to me and that she will be back. What do I do?

We still talk every night, just not as much. I activated a cell phone for her and I dont know if I should take it or not. I kind of want her to have it so we can talk, because when her dad is home i cant call the house phone. I feel like I need her.

Steph showed me so much. I now know what true love feels like. She helped me overcome some barriers that I thought were impossible. She became my everything and still is. Please someone show me some light on this topic.

All you relationship experts please speak up. Help me to see what I need to do. Obviously I want to fix this now and show her that everything will be cool. I even offered to tell her parents how I feel about her but she said that it will just make things worse with them.

Please help me. Thank you to those of you who read the whole story and everyone, please spart the smart ass comments. We have all been here and know how it feels. Please respect that.

Thank You.

-Tom

Tom (aka Godzilla)
09-30-2004, 10:22 AM
If it's meant to be, it will be.

It sounds like the big hurdle is her parent's and their issue is centered on the age difference.

Here's a suggestion:

Stop trying to deceive her parents. It will do nothing but cause her stress. Wait until she's 18. Go to her parents, tell them that you had been less than honest about your relationship with the girl. Apologize for that, then tell them about your feelings for her similar to what you describe in this post. Tell them that you want to make things right and be able to move forward. Talk to her about this. It seems like she is primarily concerned about her parent's acceptance of your relationship. If you try to deal with that in a open, mature, honest fashion, you have a high probability of success.

Or, just go to Vegas and blow a couple of grand on booze and hookers to get the girl off your mind. ;P

RavinJetta
09-30-2004, 10:31 AM
Sorry to here about your situation. Hiding things from parents can ruin a relationship and stress caused from it is immeasurable. Your best bet is to come clean to the parents and take that stress off your plate. I would imagine part of the reason the dad is mad at you is because he figures something is going on between the two of you and you are lying to him. I know it is tricky since she is still only 17 but a 4 year gap is not that bad especially once you get older. Main thing is though is to come clean and not have her stressing out from the web of lies.

InfuzerM3
09-30-2004, 11:00 AM
it hurts so much.
i don't want her to see anyone else. thats what worries me because she wants me to still be her bestfriend. she says that we have history together and that is what separates me from her other guy friends.

she says she can see us together in the future when it is easier.

should i hold onto that?

wikedgolf
09-30-2004, 11:16 AM
YA, it sounds like her parents stil have a strong hond on her, and they will Use that power to controll her till she turns 18, but even if she lives with them, they will still have that hold. To tell you the truth, its not worth it exspecialy if the parents dont like you. Problems are only going to grow. I belive once a relationship brakes up,, it will be a constent cycle of ups and downs and "getting back" and "braking up". Its hard to move on, but u will. I did and i was married to the asshole, and i'm still fighting with him even though I have my own life.

Maybe 5 years from now you guys might meet again. But you guys are both young, and u will have meny heartaches in life. But dont let it get the best of you.

SAlNlDllvllAlNl
09-30-2004, 12:22 PM
All you need to over come is "TIME". Give it time and things will fall into place if its supposed to. Do not push and insist though no matter how much you love someone, cause all you will do is just push them away. Although you may not like her decisions, all you can do is respect them. Everything will be alright, trust me....the sun always shines. :tup:

InfuzerM3
09-30-2004, 12:25 PM
thank you everyone for reading. anyone down for a g2g? fusions maybe?

GTiGirl
09-30-2004, 12:30 PM
Perhaps have her think about how things could be once she was 18. Could you guys be "out"? Is it really about the age difference, or are there other reasons? Maybe learn a little bit more about why her parents are such freaks about a 4 year difference, if that is truly the reason.

I would suggest that you give her some space. Let her figure out what is best for her, regardless of her parents. I am assuming she is still in high school. I would imagine that you would want her to enjoy her final year before entering the "real world". Don't think about her getting with others, because if she doesn't want to, she won't. And if she does, well, I think you can figure that one out by yourself.

As for you, you are only 21. Do you realize the amount of freedom you have that she doesn't? Enjoy your 20s! Enjoy partying and going crazy! You have a long time to be in a long-term committed relationship. And if you two were supposed to be together, it will work out.

ManaSteel
09-30-2004, 02:40 PM
If you guys can be best friends after this, good luck to you. The withdrawal from having a significant other in your life will hurt and it will hurt alot. Just be prepared to feel like shit when you feel lonely. Stuff like this happens especially after a relationship with love. All this pain that you feel will make you stronger. It'll build alotta character. Just be happy and optimistic that you've been hurt now than later in life. You're still young, you've got plenty of years to find new love. And if it was truly meant to be, then have faith that you'll be back together in the future.

Until then, enjoy life bro. Focus on school or career. Make some money, mod the car, hang out with the boys, date around, flirt around, being single isn't so bad. Its funny though, you'll feel so uppity up one day and down in the shithole another. This is the emotional rollercoaster. Just acknowledge the feeling and don't make too many bad decisions when you're down.

My younger uncle got with and once married a girl while she was 17/18 and he was in his 20s. Well that hoe left him for another guy and is suing him for his money. To be honest, girls at that age, though they may seem like they know what they want, are so emotionally charged at times and in my opinion they still have alot of growing up to do despite what you see. Try not to dwell too much on past occurences. If she wants to let go, then let go say thanks for gaining so much outta this relationship, and move on. Good luck man.

audi9k
09-30-2004, 05:57 PM
hey man, i just broke up with my girl at the beginning of august. it was a long relationship and it ended really REALLY badly -- we're talking about she was lying and cheating, the whole bit.

give it time and eventually, and i do mean eventually, you'll get over it. it's getting easier for me and although it does anger me sometimes, i don't think about it as much. the point is, sooner or later, you won't think about it at all anymore.

hang with your friends, ya know, your one true support system, mod up the car if you have time (or $$$ :tup: , go to the movies, whatever. just enjoy everything else that's good out there and don't get occupied with the breakup.

good luck.

southOCgti
09-30-2004, 06:04 PM
it sucks man. i just broke up with my girlfriend too after being with her for a year, and i got the same line about "i can see myself with you in the future..." girls are really fickle, especially at that age. but, if it's meant to be, it will be. if i have any advice to you, it would be to have fun with your friends right now and let things blow over. I also agree that you need to talk to her dad. dad's appreciate honesty. he doesn't know you love her, he probably thinks you just want to get in her pants.a one on one with the old man might diffuse the situation, and right now you have nothing to lose.

socal328
09-30-2004, 06:09 PM
just remember that here in san diego, the level of blonde ass is almost endless.

boragirl
09-30-2004, 06:13 PM
not to be cliche, but everything happens for a reason. that is my life philosophy. it sucks right now but try not to sweat it too much.. either you two will get back together once she's older and has more freedom, or there is someone else out there who you are meant to be with. oh yeah, and don't push too much to talk to her all the time or see her, she may just need some space and if you push too hard you might freak her out and ruin things. that's how i am at least. good luck with everything though, hang in there.. wow makes me glad i didn't have anal parents in high school.

bugzy
09-30-2004, 06:16 PM
not to be cliche, but everything happens for a reason. that is my life philosophy. it sucks right now but try not to sweat it too much.. either you two will get back together once she's older and has more freedom, or there is someone else out there who you are meant to be with. oh yeah, and don't push too much to talk to her all the time or see her, she may just need some space and if you push too hard you might freak her out and ruin things. that's how i am at least. good luck with everything though, hang in there.. wow makes me glad i didn't have anal parents in high school.
why havent you returned my phone calls ?
i called you last night at 5pm, 5:23pm, 5:46pm, 6:55pm, 7:44pm, 9:10pm, 10:46pm and this morning at 7:45am, 8:20am, 9:35am

but you didnt return my voicemail or my email or my AIM or my Yahoo msg or my ICQ ... whats wrong?

Jewel
09-30-2004, 09:38 PM
Perhaps have her think about how things could be once she was 18. Could you guys be "out"? Is it really about the age difference, or are there other reasons? Maybe learn a little bit more about why her parents are such freaks about a 4 year difference, if that is truly the reason.

I would suggest that you give her some space. Let her figure out what is best for her, regardless of her parents. I am assuming she is still in high school. I would imagine that you would want her to enjoy her final year before entering the "real world". Don't think about her getting with others, because if she doesn't want to, she won't. And if she does, well, I think you can figure that one out by yourself.

As for you, you are only 21. Do you realize the amount of freedom you have that she doesn't? Enjoy your 20s! Enjoy partying and going crazy! You have a long time to be in a long-term committed relationship. And if you two were supposed to be together, it will work out.


ok, I'm the old fart and been with my hubby for over 19 years. What Jonelle has said above is pretty much the advice I was going to give you. Nobody truly KNOWS what they want at age 17. Give her some space and some time.

InfuzerM3
09-30-2004, 11:58 PM
doing the best i can everyone... keep you posted in this thread.

SYNYSTAGLI
10-01-2004, 08:00 AM
why havent you returned my phone calls ?
i called you last night at 5pm, 5:23pm, 5:46pm, 6:55pm, 7:44pm, 9:10pm, 10:46pm and this morning at 7:45am, 8:20am, 9:35am

but you didnt return my voicemail or my email or my AIM or my Yahoo msg or my ICQ ... whats wrong?


Jesus....did you too just break up?? If someone was hounding me that much I'd have to call em to tell them to phawk off... maybe she DON'T wanna talk to you???
Just give it time Lon, everything will work out.... :D

FunkTron
10-01-2004, 09:34 AM
Lon feeling ok? Do we need to chat?

but never hide anything.....its not the way.

up front and honest is the only way to go about anything in life.

"...and the truth shall set you free" :tup:

InfuzerM3
10-01-2004, 10:40 AM
We talked last night. She is interested in another guy. She says that she doesnt know if he likes her but I can tell its a lie. That was a stab straight through my heart. I feel terrible. She told me that she is not going to date anyone for a while or something like that. I dunno.



Should I even want her back?



Should I hold the love I feel for her near in my heart so that I can feel it?



Should I forget about her?



My plan at this point is to have lunch with her and get my cell phone back. I want to tell her something to the effect of "it hurts me that you were not honest and upfront with me. i cant continue to be strung along and kept on the 'back burner' until you decide what you want. You need to focus on making your life better as I do also. When I think of you I will remember you by all the great memories. I will always care for you. When things settle down a bit you have my number. Remember that you cant be happy being with someone untill your happy being alone. Good Luck Stephanie, i love you."

:(

bugzy
10-01-2004, 10:46 AM
that works ... move on ... life is too short to be held down

FunkTron
10-01-2004, 10:46 AM
no

No

..and oh hell yes!!!!!!!


but....tell her to grow up as well.

southOCgti
10-02-2004, 02:58 AM
she's only 17 man. at that age girls have more hormones than a than a b5 s4 has boost leaks. she has a lot of growing up to do bro.